A Shift In Hobbies and Perspective

#HAWMC Day 22:  Running and 3PM dance parties are some of our favorite hobbies at WEGO Health. Tell us, what are YOUR hobbies? Love to crochet? Can’t stop collecting rocks? Take photographs of everything? Share your favorite past times.

Whenever someone asks me this question, I start to answer, and then realize I must sound like I pretty much have no life. We established, two posts ago or so, that I love to travel. Which is awesome. But it's also kind of work. I run a travel planning company. So it's not really a "hobby" per se. And I love to blog and do mental health awareness, but to call that a hobby make it sound like it's something I do for fun when I have the time. I enjoy it, but not in the way you enjoy a hobby. I enjoy it because it's cathartic for me and helps others, but it's not the same as people enjoy, say, crocheting or running. So right there that's two big parts of my life that I "can't really count."

I'm not sure even how often you have to do something to consider it a hobby, and what makes something a hobby exactly. We also established, by way of the chemistry museum dance video, that I like to dance. I could dance to elevator music. I dance in the car. I dance randomly whenever I hear music and it's so second nature that I don't realize I'm doing it until someone points it out and we both laugh at me. So I guess, dancing, however sporadically and randomly, could be considered a hobby.

I like creative pursuits. Writing is the one I spend the most time on (just finished the very very rough draft of my first novel, woo hoo!). It transports me out of my messy mind, which is probably why I like it so much. Reading, similarly. I have the attention span of a gnat, but I could sit down with 400 page book and read it from start to finish, moving only for bathroom breaks and to get a cup(s) of coffee. I've spent entire days reading, literally. It's like I'm in some sort of time warp.

I enjoy outdoorsy things, like long walks on the beach. I'm kidding, this was just starting to sound like an online dating profile, so I had to throw that in there. I do, though, like outdoors activities - hiking, kayaking, going to gardens and parks. Nature soothes my soul, which is ever in need of soothing. I love photography, but despite having a DSLR camera, I pretty much keep it on automatic mode and just shoot, hoping the lighting is ok. My brother, who's a very good photographer and has sold some of his work, has tried to teach me countless times. But like everything else, the information gets jumbled in my brain and when a good shot comes along, I freeze trying to remember, so go back to my tried and true method of putting it on auto and hoping it works.

Does coffee count as a hobby? I think that might be more of an addiction. But I love to just sit and sip my coffee, whether it's in a cafe while writing, watching my dogs run around (read: sit lazily) in the yard, or just curled up under a blanket on a cold day. I guess anything you enjoy doing that you do routinely counts as a hobby, and therefore, I can consider coffee one.

Honestly, that's all I can think of. Pretty sad, I know. There are a lot of things I enjoy - music, festivals, playing cards and board games, the beach. But I wouldn't call them hobbies. They're situational activities I like, but not things I do routinely. (Though when I lived at home, my dad and I played cards every morning, so the line may blur there).

When I look at the hobbies above, chemistry dance video aside, they're mostly things I do alone. Things I want to do alone. Things I do because I can be alone. It makes me realize the shift in myself in the past year or two, and one of the reasons I find my life a bit more confusing these days. It challenges the, oh, 33 years or so that I lived my life as a complete extrovert, surrounding myself with people and, it seems, living vicariously through them, though I don't realize it then. But, despite the confusion, and I'll admit, the loneliness at times, I feel more true to myself with these new hobbies and this new perspective. There's no social standard to measure up to, no show to put on,without even realizing it's a show at times. No trying to fit in, but knowing you don't, even if others can't see it. Just me, and my book, or my notebook, or my camera, or my cup of coffee. (And my dogs). There's some inner peace in that, however boring it may seem to the outside world.

Summer Summer Summer Time...

#HAWMC Day 18:  What are the 3 things you look forward to the most in the summer? Whether it’s travel, the weather, family cookouts or another activity, share with your readers why you’re excited for summer!

Let me first acknowledge that I'm aware that this is my second Will Smith/Fresh Prince reference in almost as many days. What can I say, I grew near Philly in the 80s, I can't help it. 

With that out of the way... Ahhh summer! I love summer. The day I was born it was 120 degrees Farenheit, and I think that must have somehow shaped my ability to withstand the heat and detest the cold. It's almost never too warm for me - though 120 might be pushing it - and I relish the months where I don't have to calculate which layers of clothing I'll need at which hours of the day. 

What do I look forward to most in summer? It's pretty much a tie between... everything. But I'll try to narrow it down. 

1. The long, sunny days. Cold, dark days are depressing. This is probably true for the majority of people, but it's especially true for those with depression and mood cycling. I find my depressive cycles more frequent and lengthy in the winter. It's like the dreariness is physically and emotionally weighing me down. I don't know specifically why this is - I'm sure there have been studies done on it, though I'm less sure of the conclusive evidence. But considering there's an actual disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder, clearly, there's a correlation between seasonal changes and depression. 

2. The outside opportunities. Fresh air lifts my spirits, especially if it's warm fresh air. Whether it be a concert, a beach trip, a day of hiking and kayaking, or just dining al fresco, I feel more myself, more positive and optimistic and capable, when I have enough outside time. It also gives me the opportunity to connect with nature, which tends to help me feel grounded. 

3. The "summer attitude".  Let's face it, the winter months are full of end-of-year deadlines, new year budgets, people fighting over the closest parking spot so they don't have to walk ten extra feet in the frigid cold. The cold tenses up people's muscles, and the heart is a muscle like any other. It seems in the summer, people are just more open and friendly and generous, and that's certainly the type of environment I like to live in.

Happy Almost Summer, everyone! Unofficially just 38 days away! 

Jersey Shore last summer. Sorry about the random dude in the background. 

Get In My Belly: Food, Drink, and Mental Health

#HAWMC Day 7: April 7th is World Health Day – so let’s talk about daily nutrition and diet. After your diagnosis, did you alter your diet or health routine? If so, how? How do you maintain a healthy regiment?

Happy World Health Day! I LOVE this prompt. I have a Bachelor's in Kinesiology, worked in corporate fitness for five years, am a certified personal trainer and group fitness instructor, and am a mental health blogger and activist. Health is, in all senses of the word, kind of my thing. 

Perhaps I'm luckier than some in that I came into my condition with some training in the body systems and how diet and exercise can affect virtually all of our organs, including the brain. Still, I'ave had a lot to learn. While my background has always made me a bit conscious of my health routine, I've had to become hyper-aware since my diagnosis, and much of it has come through trial and error. 

First off, I have to take medication three times a day. This medication must be taken with food. If not, I incur severe nausea, dizziness, disorientation, occasional vision blurriness (as if I was about to pass out), and numbness in my tongue and lips. These symptoms can last for hours, and often are temporarily debilitating. It can't just be any food either. It has to be a large enough quantity and the right kind of food. There must be enough carbs to quickly get into my bloodstream (they are broken down the quickest) and absorb the meds. I can have a buffet full of proteins and fats, but if there aren't enough carbs, I'll be ill for hours. The more meds I cumulatively take, the more I have to have eaten throughout the days, so if I miss a meal, I have to adjust my whole medication schedule, and this can affect my routine for the day. While I won't have a massive mood cycle from taking my meds an hour late, or even missing one at all, I can't do this on a regular basis.  I can sometimes start to feel the effects of a missed dose after just an hour or two, especially on a day where I'm already cycling. I'll be out doing something fun and social with friends and suddenly say, "have to get something to eat, medication time!", and it well may not be at a normal dining time (one of my doses has to be taken around 2 PM). Thankfully, if they're embarrassed, they never say it. I'm certainly not. To me it's just daily life. 

In addition to the fact that I feel I now eat like a horse in order to take meds, there are foods that bother me. Dairy, for instance, seems to make my depression worse. I don't know if this is an across the board thing with mood cycling, or just me. It may also be in part that I have a slight lactose issue and what a GI doctor once called severe IBS, and feeling like shit (no pun intended! OK, maybe a little...) generally makes people feel worse. I think it's probably a combination. Either way, I try to stay away from much dairy when in a depressive cycle. There have been studies on potential links between gluten and mood cycling as well, and though I've not read all of the research, I do keep an eye on this. I'm a vegetarian, so gluten-filled foods like seiten, for instance, are a regular part of my diet. When I can, I choose corn-based items (i.e. corn tortillas and chips) instead of flour/wheat based, but I do consume probably too much gluten. I've considered experimenting with low-gluten or gluten-free eating, but as a vegetarian with severe IBS and lactose issues, my diet is limited enough, and I'd rather not add to it if I don't need to. Going out to eat with me can already be a pain in the ass, and I'd rather not make it more so. Still, it's something I do keep an eye on. 

Coffee and alcohol are two other biggies. Coffee is amazing! I need several cups every day to function properly, and when I'm depressed and can barely pull myself from bed, it's pretty much nectar from the gods. But, and there's always a but with mood cycling, it's a slippery slope. One cup, no problem, I'm practically immune. Two, usually no biggie. But there's become a fine line between coffee-alert and hypomnia, and while I try to catch it before it's too late, I sometimes don't. Alcohol... well, it's alcohol. We have all loved our friends excessively at 1 AM, and woed our lives and ourselves an hour later when the "high" drops off.  But with mood cycling, it's not just socially enabling/embarrassing, it can bring on serious depression. I can't tell you the number of times I've thought I had a fun night out, only to wake up battling a severe depressive cycle. I have to chastise myself for thinking I can have a night of fun the way my friends do. I can't. It's not just that I can't  over-indulgence. Sometimes, it can be only a drink or two. I always have to be mindful. 

Of course, there's also the whole "my meds can cause hyponatremia (low blood sodium) and send me into seizures" thing. I experience hyponatremia on a regular basis. Luckily, I've managed to avoid the seizures so far, though I did once almost pass out at the gym in my housing complex and some old man had to carry me back to my apartment, which would be moderately embarrassing if I had any shame. Luckily, I don't. I have to ingest more sodium than the average person, though to be honest, that's not really a sacrifice. I love salt and have a palate that seemingly notices saltiness significantly less than the average person, so it's not hard to salt-load. Still, I do have to watch daily for signs of low blood sodium - and get my blood checked for this every six weeks. I'm supposed to always have tomato juice with me in case I need a quick salt fix, and I've slacked on this. I have learned to enjoy large quantities of powerade zero, though, which has a decent amount of sodium in it. I should probably just buy a diaper bag (spill proof for drinks) to fill with all the snacks and drinks and meds I need and carry it around, but I've yet to adopt this habit. 

With all of this said, I honestly don't feel like my health and wellness sacrifices are too bad. I get to eat more salty foods when most people have to buy low-sodium. I have low blood pressure naturally, so this increased sodium diet doesn't, at least yet, seem to be a heart concern for me. I have to eat more, and occasionally exercise less - increased adrenaline can worsen hypomania for me - which does make me feel a bit blah and has added to some minor weight gain, but I'm trying to adjust that with some creative healthy eating techniques. I still get to drink my coffee, I just have to watch it, and at 35, having to drink less alcohol isn't really too big of a deal - in fact, it's sometimes a nice excuse to stay home from a party when I'm feeling socially anxious, and instead do something I really want to do like read, or sleep. So really, all in all, I feel pretty lucky. I truly could have it a lot worse.