Commitments List, Part 2

It's been about a month since I made my commitments list. Since I shared my thoughts behind it, my personal list and suggested that it's could be a great activity for anyone. Since I'm very much about being open and up front, I thought I'd provide an update on my progress and my thoughts for continuing the process.

My list started out very small. I didn't want it to be a chore, I simply wanted it to help me keep on track with my doctors orders and with some basics that I thought would help me through the process of growing and focusing on myself. If you read the original blog, you may remember my list looked like this (and if you didn't, here it is):

1. Take morning meds by 9 AM

2. Take afternoon meds approximately 2 PM

3. Take evening meds approximately 9:30 - 10 PM

4. Get 7-8 hours of sleep

Pretty easy stuff, huh? The one that's caused me the most trouble is the 7-8 hours of sleep, simply because I'm not usually a great sleeper and because I have been spending time out with friends (great, but not the most ideal for sleep) and like to get up at a slightly early hour to get my workout in before I start my work day. All in all, though, I feel I've done pretty well. 

The first two weeks I stuck to just those commitments. I wanted to make sure I was truly creating those habits. The next week, I added journaling and meditation, starting with five minutes of meditation a day and slowly increasing by a minute every couple of days. I'm now up to ten minutes a day, and by the end of this week I hope to be at eleven minutes. Like I said, I am intentionally making this a slow process. My journaling commitment now has an extra component as well - I must include three positive things and three things I'm grateful for each day. It probably sounds cliche, but it's helped my outlook as well as my enjoyment of journaling. I try to start off each entry this way in an attempt to 1.) focus on the positive and 2.) avoid making my journal just a regurgitation of my day moment by moment and inevitably focusing on the things that are bothering me. (I wrote a whole blog on my journaling "technique", for anyone who struggles with this activity.)  

So that's my progress. I am still truly enjoying the idea of the commitments list. It's helping me see my progress daily and celebrate the "little victories". Have you made a commitments list? If so, how is it coming along? What have you enjoyed about it, and what troubles have you had with it? What do you hope to include on it in the future?

I'm happy to answer anyones questions about this project. It's something I basically just created (though I'm sure I'm not the first) so there really aren't any wrong or right ways to do it. I'd love to hear your thoughts and your journey with this so far! 

Growing Awareness

About a month ago I wrote about the a-ha moment in which I realized that my condition could empower me to help others instead of being something I "suffer" from (you can read that post here if you're so inclined). Since then, I've worked on making this blog a combination of my experiences and information/suggestions for others going through similar situations. Because I'm not a trained psychology professional, I really have just my personal experiences and those of others I know with mood disorders as fuel for my blogs. Still, I hope that through this I'm able to provide some helpful tips, or at least let others know that what they're going through isn't uncommon and that I'm hear to offer support, or even just lend an ear, if desired. Since I started this mission with the intent of helping others, I thought I'd reach out to you (collectively) for ideas on how best to grow this campaign, and what you feel is most needed and effective.

When I started to focus on mood disorder awareness, I'll admit that I wasn't quite sure of what I wanted to do. In other words, I didn't have much of a plan. To be honest, I still don't entirely.  The reason is several-fold. First and most practically, I own and operate Chimera Travel, and right now this is what pays the bills. I love my business, and I want to still be able to focus on it and give my clients the personalized service they've come accustomed to, so I need to make sure I'm balancing my business with these new efforts. Secondly, I have just haven't done anything like this before, and I want to make sure that my goals and vision align with the steps I'm taking to get there. I want to go about this the right way, and meet the needs that aren't currently being met when it comes to mood disorder awareness, education and support. 

My basic, and very loose, goals are the following:

• Offer information and suggestions through this blog for those that have mood disorders and even loved ones of those that have them.  By growing the following, I hope to increase my reach with this. 
• Provide a forum for open discussions on mood disorders and topics that surround them through the Mood Disorders Support System group on Facebook. 
• Work with, not against or in contrast to, any existing systems or groups that already exist. Mood disorder awareness should not be a competition - that won't help anybody! 
• Eventually grow the online group into local support/education groups where applicable. This is a particularly loose goal, as I'm not sure if I'd prefer something that's solely for mood disorder 'sufferers', for education of others that might not be aware of/understand mood disorders, or a combination. Thoughts?
• Some sort of fundraising for awareness, education and research of mood disorders. I've looked and looked for some sort of national organization/association that focuses on mood disorders, and I've been unable to find one. I'd love to eventually partner with something like this, even on a more local level (say a state level), but there really doesn't seem to be much out there that I can find, at least not in the U.S. 

So my questions are: what other/alternative goals do think such a mission could or should have? Do you know of any local/national efforts, groups, organizations or associations that I could maybe work with in the long run? What other information or suggestions might you be able to offer and what would you personally like to see happen that you feel is currently lacking in mood disorder awareness/support/education? 

This blog truly depends on your feedback, so I'd love to hear from you. I'm working on getthing this whole passion and idea more focused, and creating an overall vision and goals, and eventually the steps to get there, is the first stepping stone (after deciding to do this at all).  Thanks, as always, for your thoughts! 

Tearing Down Walls

Have you ever faced an emotional block? It could be family, interpersonal or business, but regardless of the subject, you feel like you get to a certain point with a situation and can't get any further - not because of external boundaries, but because of something internal. You may know why the block is there, but just don't know how to get past it. Other times it's an invisible barrier - you're not sure what's stopping you in your tracks, but it does so none-the-less. It's also possible you know what is bothering you and how to get past it in theory, but you just can't seem to make it happen. Perhaps you have a fear for "no reason" or are worried about something specific but don't understand where the anxiety came from. Regardless of how the block got there and how much you know about it, these emotional walls can be distracting, frustrating, damaging or even emotionally crippling.

Oddly, I'm rather good in helping others discover their emotional blocks and can give pretty decent advice (or so they tell me) on tackling them. With myself, it seems it is a whole different story. Isn't that always the way - easier said than done? I suspect that if we could all view ourselves and experience our emotions from the standpoint of a third party, we'd probably be able to conquer these issues much more easily. Unfortunately, this isn't the case and we have to go about it the more emotionally challenging route.

People have different approaches to breaking down their walls. Some like to attack them with a sledge hammer - all in, confident and positive. Often these people are in limbo for a long time and then appear to have a sort of "breakthrough" and suddenly "get it". It doesn't mean it's easy, it means that they get to a certain stage where they can move forward without much looking back. For others, it's an every day battle of patience. Some days you may feel like you take two steps forward and one step back. You have a great day and then a difficult day, and instead of leaping at the wall with great speed and power, you slowly chip away at it with a screwdriver (or something similar that would do this - I'm not a tools person). Neither approach is better or worse. The key is, whatever way you choose (or feel capable of utilizing), you have to be dedicated to it. If you choose to go full steam ahead, understand that you have to keep facing forward. With that much energy and passion, a fall backwards could be incredibly painful and it could take you a long time to get back up. If you choose to proceed slowly, it requires a lot of stamina. Realize that there will be back and forth, and be resolute to dealing with that, looking at the end result as guidance in your mission.

I have always been the sledgehammer type. Until recently. I realized that my sledgehammer moments were filled with adrenaline and passion, but not exactly breakthroughs. In other words, I had the right heart, but I hadn't actually discovered anything new. I'd decided I was going to conquer my walls but I hadn't emotionally started to move past the block, at least not permanently. So now, I'm trying the chipping away approach. It's a difficult journey and I have great days and awful days. It requires incredible patience, which I'm not traditionally very good at (read: terrible at) but I'm trying to learn. Here are a few things I'm working on, and trying to keep in mind as I go along:

1. I'm going to have set backs and forward progress. It's going to be slow going, and it might not always be moving forward, but if I learn from the setbacks and use that to make progress, I'm accomplishing something important. When I have a bad day, I need to think of the progress I made a day or two ago. If I keep on the right track, the progress will come again and, with effort, those days will outnumber the negative ones.

2. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Change can be painful, but without it, it's difficult to grow. I am learning that getting out of my comfort zone is often the most effective way to move forward. This doesn't always have to be adventurous or monumental. It's often just taking an approach to things that I traditionally would not. In fact, sometimes getting out of my comfort zone is about not doing something. I may want to make a big change, try to fix something suddenly, try to have total control over a situation, and holding back on these is in fact the action that will be most productive.  You may have to get out of your comfort zone again and again until gradually (sometimes very gradually) it becomes less uncomfortable. This is when you can truly see the progress of the slow and steady approach.

3. Make tiny goals. These may be daily or even hourly. My commitments list is part of this. I also plan to start making goals that relate directly to each day (not commitments or must dos, but goals). It could be to wash away a negative thought throughout the day, to send that email asking about an opportunity I've been interested in, to reach out to someone who I feel could provide motivation or guidance. These help make the time pass more quickly (or at least I hope so) during the slower approach because you're accomplishing something every day. Even if you don't see the results right away, you're taking actions to move forward.

4. Similarly, break down your time into small increments. If you're having issues with patience (hand raised!), play this hour by hour. If you're working on a task, or waiting something out, think about in terms of "I can do this until 3 PM". Then "I can do this until 8 pm". Next thing you know it's a day, then two, then a week. It helps break up the time so that your task (or wait) seems less ominous.

5.  Use the past as a perspective. When I think about where I was this time last year, I'm amazed. I feel like it was a lifetime ago. The things I thought I'd never get through then seem like nothing now. Yet now I have another emotional block that I feel I'll "never overcome". Or maybe I'm still working on the same one, but I'm so much farther along. A year seems like an eternity to wait sometimes, but it does give some credence to the phrase "this too shall pass". If I look at the examples of things I've overcome, blocks I've gotten through, it helps me realize that this time next year, or maybe even in a month or two, this particular block could be a thing of the past. (Note: if you suffer from long term anxiety/depression this may not work for you. If you were just as depressed last year, looking back could only make the depression seem endless, so use this tool only if you feel it's appropriate).

6. Don't bandaid it. It's easy to cover up an emotional block and circumvent it rather than break through it.  This happens when people "run away" from something instead of dealing with it, or distract themselves with something else so they don't have to address the block. In the end, though, this only makes it more difficult. Ever see those police shows where the person tries to avoid the police over something minuscule by stealing a car and speeding away from the cops only to cause a horrific accident and still gets caught in the end? By trying to avoid getting in trouble, they ended up making a series of even worse mistakes so that by the time they're captured they have a list of criminal activity that will keep them in jail for years. Same thing here (though hopefully with no jail time!). The more you try to avoid dealing with your emotional walls, the more trouble they could cause you in the long run.

Every emotional block needs to be handled differently, and every person goes about things in their own way. The method for handling these depends on your personality, your history, the block itself and a whole host of other factors. These tips are simply actions that I'm working on to approach my particular emotional blocks and try to take down some walls. It will be a long, slow process. I hope, though, that this time next year, or maybe even in a few months, I can look back and realize that I have progressed, and that I did indeed get through those things I never thought I would. Deep down, I know that somehow I will, and I think that's key. The first step is getting to the root of the issue. Next is determining the approach. From there, it's hard work and (eek!) patience. I look forward to continuing to share this journey, and hopefully providing support and maybe even some inspiration for others working on their own emotional blocks.

Writing It Down

About a week and a half ago, I wrote a blog about my commitments list. This week, I added journaling to each day's commitments (I gave it a qualification of "at least 10 minutes" to have something a bit more tangible to track). It's a task that I've gone back and forth on through the years, and I've decided to reinstate it, but in a slightly different manner.

I used to be an avid journaler. I didn't have a thought in my head that I didn't write down virtually every day. Then something changed. I realized that instead of journaling giving me a release, that it was bringing me down. I was having to relive every difficult thing that I had gone through the past day/week/month. I somehow felt compelled to write down every detail, great and terrible, of my day and things that I'd manage to let pass or get over were being recycled. The worst part was, I was doing this to myself. I also noticed that I was focusing way more on the negative things than the positive. I think that perhaps this is a widespread tendency when journaling - we need to "get out" those things that are bothering us. Still, I realized that despite all of the good things going on, if I looked back on my journals five years from now, my life would appear in shambles. 

Despite this, I am still a proponent of journaling. I feel it allows me to provide insight to myself that I might not have otherwise. There's something about writing things down that seems to somehow offer a new perspective. Maybe this is because I generally tend to journal later in the day, and I've given the events some time to rest, allowing for a more objective view.

 On this go round of journalling I decided I needed to preserve the benefits of the activity without falling into the habit of negativity. In an effort to keep to this, I've set up a few rules for myself. 

1. I always start with something positive. Even something as small as "I had just a great grilled cheese for lunch". That's an exaggeration, but you get the idea. I never start out by "complaining". It helps set the tone for the entry. 

2. I try as much as possible to write about my feelings and thoughts, not relive every event in full detail. I have to remember that this isn't an autobiography for others to read (or at least I hope not) - I'm not telling a story , I'm writing my thoughts. I already know the story, no need to do a play by play commentary. 

3. As mentioned earlier, I gave myself a time suggestion. Sometimes it's much longer than this, but it reminds me that I don't have to write a novel, I can just write a few key thoughts. 

4. I have put this on my commitments list as a daily commitment. When I don't journal on a regular basis, I tend to revert into that long-winded story telling model of writing. When I write daily, I tend to be more reflective and insightful because I don't feel the urge to "catch up" (catch who up I'm not sure, but it's an urge I get none-the-less). 

If you're not usually much of a writer or are nervous about falling into the negativity trap, you may want to target your journal to a specific topic. I know people who have kept happiness journals, gratitude journals and meditation journals.  You could focus it around a specific task or project. This narrows your focus and can help from falling into pessimism. If you're still not sold, try it for a few minutes. Pick a topic (something not super negative) and jot down a few things. Bullet point it if you'd like. Set a timer so you don't focus on too much but get out a few ideas. If you have any additional journaling hints or types, I'd love to hear them! 

Sitting With Stress

Anyone that has ever had a panic or anxiety attack knows that horrendous moment when it sets in and you feel like must do everything possible to get away from it as quickly as possible. If the attack is bad enough, you feel like you can't breathe, and nobody can go on not breathing for very long. Fight or flight instinct kicks in. It's this that causes people, or at least me, to start to, for lack of a better phrase, freak out. It feels like the anxiety is chasing you and you can't get away from it, and nothing you can do will help. Unfortunately, adrenaline is sure to kick in when we get worked up and only fuels the feeling anxiety. It's seems like a never ending cycle until somehow we manage to get our mind away from what's panicking us - either by a trick we've learned or by distraction from it of some sorts - or the emotion makes us so exhausted that we no longer have the energy for fight or flight.

While it's a relief to be rid of the anxiety or fear, it doesn't actually help us to be less anxious in the long run, and every time that anxiety or panic kicks in we're likely to go through the process all over again. Minus perhaps medication designed for this fact, I've never been able to figure out a real "fix" for these anxiety attacks. So when they happen, I keep on freaking out, keep on getting mad at myself after the fact for freaking out (not to mention embarrassed if anyone witnessed this display of apparent irrationalism), and in the end, nothing changes.

A few days ago I decided I was going to try something different. I often wake with rather unexplained anxiety either in the middle of the night or early in the morning (say 5 or 5:30 AM). Perhaps it's because my brain is starting to wake up and subconsciously mull through all of the stressors (good and bad) in my life. I'm truly not sure. Normally, I respond to this by tossing and turning for a little bit and then getting up and heading to the gym if it's an appropriate enough hour (my gym opens at 5 AM), to try to work out some of the energy. I figure I can always nap later. A few days ago I decided I was going to change things up. I didn't get up and go to the gym or toss and turn hoping to go back to sleep. I simply laid there and let the anxiety happen without fighting it. Then something odd happened - the anxiety slowed down. I wouldn't say it disappeared all together, but it didn't attack me. In a way, it was a bit like a meditation, in which thoughts may come to you, but you just gently let them float away and quiet your mind again. I found that by actually letting the anxiety take it's course, I was able to get through it and not too painfully. I further realized that perhaps much of my anxiety and panic may be, ironically, about having anxiety and panic. This doesn't mean the fear isn't real, it doesn't mean my anxiety is cured or that I'll never have another panic attack. It also doesn't mean that I can always control these when they come over me. But I learned that by just sitting - or in this case laying - with my anxiety, I was able to not "freak out" and not have to distract myself by doing something else until it finally calmed down. Simply put, I just let myself have anxiety. I let it be what it was - a feeling about something that may or may not be a real threat. It gave me some hope that if I can get through my attacks like this, perhaps I may be able to have more control over my anxiety. Not so much if it hits or when, but what to do when it does.  As an added bonus, the fact that I was able to deal with this made me feel good about myself, and I didn't experience that stress that I feel after I have a bad episode and feel like I should be able to control it better.

This being said, I'd assume this technique will be most likely work when the feeling comes on for no apparent reason (or something that's apparent to you but not others). If you are truly in a situation that's outwardly dangerous to you or someone you care about, just sitting there and letting yourself be anxious probably isn't the best course of action (ie don't stand quietly while a truck comes barreling down at you because you're trying not to be afraid). I'm also pretty sure it won't work every time this rather random anxiety comes. Many anxieties and fears have a deep history - whether we know what it is or not - and can take a long time and hard work to conquer.  If this can give you some food for thought for the smaller anxieties though, great. If it can help you ease some them, even better!

I'd like to add a PS here: Stress, anxiety and panic are not all the same thing, though often they all "work together" so to speak. Anxiety can cause panic, both can cause stress, and vice versa. The feeling I tend to get in the mornings that inspired this post is somewhere between anxiety and stress, so I felt the blog appropriately named, and I liked the catchy alliteration. Furthermore, if you have instructions from your doctor that are counterintuitive to this suggestion, by all means, follow those. I just blogged this, as I mentioned, for some food for thought given that it seemed to help me and I hope it might help others. 

The Forest or the Trees?

You know that saying - the one that goes something like "they can't see the forest for the trees". It basically means that people can see details, but they can't see the overall picture. It's a trait that afflicts probably about 50% of human beings. I'm guessing the other half can see the trees and not the forest. For the record, these are completely guestimated stats to make a point. I have no scientific or psychological data as to exactly what percentage of people see the trees versus the forest. The point is, there are people who are great with details but can't see the overall picture, and there are people that are better at seeing the grand view, but not so good with the day to day. The key when it comes to working on your mental health is to be able to do some of both.

If you're part of this group that focuses so much on every day that you can't look at the bigger picture, you're certainly not alone. What you do day to day is important, and in fact, these actions create the bigger picture. When you're going through a tough time, people often tell you "one step at a time", "this too shall pass", "take it day by day", "right now is all we have" and other similar inspiratory phrases. I myself have given, and heeded, these words of advice.  Indeed, it's incredibly important to not create stress that hasn't happened yet by thinking about the "what ifs" of the future and worrying about difficult situations that may not even occur.  This is one of my biggest difficulties and always has been. However, turn that around for the person going through a very tough time. What if "right now" is the most difficult part. What if you're in bad pain - physically or emotionally - and focusing on right now feels like the equivalent of standing on flaming hot coals? If every "one step at a time" is another step on those coals, it's not very inviting and you can't imagine how it's going to help matters much.

The trick in these situations is to ask yourself what the end result will be. If you stand there on the coals, your feet will get burned, and you'll get no closer to the end. If you run backwards, you may find out that the only way to get where you hope to go is to in fact walk over the coals, and you're going to have to go through the whole painful process again. If you walk forward, unless you've been grossly tricked or misguided, you are at least getting closer to the end. The truth is, sometimes we have to experience something very difficult and painful to get to where we want to be. The longer we try to work around it and avoid it, the longer we stand on the coals with our feet getting burned. Alternatively, if we make a beeline for the finish line we may exhaust ourselves halfway through and have the ability to go no further. It's a balance, and a delicate one at that.

I battle with this concept daily. Literally. So often there is something that I want to do or say because I feel I "need to get it out" or "can't stand this anymore". Sometimes I follow through on this, and almost without fail, it doesn't work out as I'd hoped. In fact, it generally hurts my cause. What I'm trying to do now is to step back and say "where do I want to be with this situation or in this area of my life?" Then I look at the action I'm about to do or thing I'm about to say, and try to take the emotion out of it, at least somewhat. If I can do this, I can ask myself "If I do/say this, what are the possible results? What's most likely to happen?". It helps to bounce it off a friend who's willing to listen and give an objective opinion (a therapist would also be ideal here, if you have one). If you need to, write it down, leave it and do something completely unrelated, come back to it after a little while, write all the possible results and how you'd feel about each." If after giving it some time and looking at it as objectively as possible you feel that it's going to help move you towards where you ultimately want to be, then go for it and prepared to deal with the results either way. If you're not so sure, consider your other options. It might be that just letting time pass allows the feeling to dissolve itself. Perhaps your just tired, irritated with something else, simply "woke up on the wrong side of the bed." If you're a rapid mood cycler, it might be that once this cycle passes you'll feel completely differently and wish you'd not acted as you did. This, I can attest, happens all the time.

I am finding, albeit very slowly and with a lot of trial and error, that you have to see both the forest and the trees. You have to know where you want to go, and always keep that in mind. However, it's those smaller day to day details that get you there or move you further away. If you can align these two, you're moving in the right direction. I suspect there are very few people that could get this down perfectly. Everyone has an emotionally bad day, their last straw, their bad moods, and during these we're bound to say or do something we shouldn't, even if once in a long while. When you do, repair it as quickly as possible. An I'm sorry, admitting you were wrong, and doing something to recover where you've gone astray can go a long way.

I suggest you start by practicing with small things. Pick a task that you might struggle with but that you know will help you in the long run. Meditation is mine. It's tempting to let my mind wander because sitting there "doing nothing" doesn't feel efficient, but I know that eventually it will help with my patience, and that in turn, will help with how I handle numerous aspects of my life. Start slowly, and while you're doing this task think about the end result. Repeat it to yourself if you have to (out loud is even better if no one else is there or if you don't care that they hear you). As I said in my last post, it's all about baby steps. Take these baby steps with your end goal in mind, and you're on your way.

Baby Steps

Patience is a virtue. One that I don't posses much. I've always been the "now is the time" type of person for just about everything. I do truly believe that many times this is the best option - if you always wait for the "right" time, you'll often find that the "right" time never comes (ask any new parent if waiting until the 'right' time to have a child made it a breeze). However, even excitable, impatient me realizes that when it comes to ones well-being, it's not an overnight process. Just as you couldn't decide that you want to lose 30 lbs and wake up 30 lbs more svelte the next morning - disregarding and surgery that might actually do this - it would be silly to assume I can just decide to make a major change to my life, and boom it's done.

So, ironically, one of my biggest challenges during this journey is increasing my patience. I'm working on actually slowing this process down to make sure I get it right instead of diving in head first and trying to be exactly who I want to be overnight. Now, for those who have seen me go between cycles, it might seem that I can change quickly, and indeed I may have the ability to adjust quicker than most (sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse). However, I'm talking about an overall change in my approach to life, and moving from focusing solely on others to making myself an important part of my own life as well. Small bits and pieces can change overnight, but as a whole, it's a longer haul. I realize this might be frustrating for those around me. It's ok for me to be 'going through a process' for a few days, or a week or even a couple of weeks. It probably gets old after a while, and I understand that. It's one of the reasons I'm doing this blog - to document my journey for myself, and for those who want to witness it, at their own pace. It allows me to get things out here instead of having it constantly be the focus of every conversation. I'd even frustrate myself with that.

For anyone that knows me, I work best with timelines. Part of this may be from running my own business and frequently working from home - if I don't give myself timelines, who will? It's easy to get distracted by doing the laundry and grocery shopping if I don't have a self-imposed deadline to get xyz tasks finished by the end of the day. I find without some sort of at least loose timeline, people (myself included) tend to be more lax on their responsibility and accountability. I have a very hard time with the idea of "letting things happen" because all of my life I've worked to make things happen (and because I don't believe in axioms such as "everything happens for a reason," but that's a whole other blog). While I don't think that working hard to get what you want is at all a bad trait - in fact I think it's an admirable and important one - I have to, as I've said in the past, let go of the need to control absolutely everything. Or rather, I should say that I need to let go of the need to actively control everything. I've realized, even in this short time that I've been intently working on myself, that sometimes the best control comes from stepping back and not working every minute to control things. This allows one to have better control of themselves and their actions, and ultimately that's the most effective and most enjoyable way to get where you want to be.

I know, I know - what's the point, and where do the "baby steps" come in? I promise, that was all leading up to it. With the help of a very special friend, I've decided to create a "commitments" list. These are all small (or seemingly small) actions that I will commit to doing every day or week, as is appropriate, to make the changes I want to make. These aren't "to do"s which I can push off until tomorrow. They are commitments that I'm telling myself I must do when I've agreed (with myself) to do them. They are every day actions to get me to focus on each day,  in fact sometimes each hour or minute, instead of extrapolating days/weeks/months into the future, getting impatient and wanting to "be there now". Each week I will create a checklist, which categorizes the actions day by day. I add on from the previous week. Remember, these are small items. Some weeks, the "new" item will just be an improvement to last week's item (ie instead of 5 minutes of meditation each day, I'll do 8).

I started with the absolute basics. These are actions that I truly need to physically do in order to even start to focus on working on myself. This week I had four action items listed for each day. Ambitious, right? Not really. Here were the items:

1.) Take morning medication by 9 am
2.) Take afternoon medication around 2 PM
3.) Take evening medication around 9:30 or 10 PM
4.) Get 7 to 8 hours of sleep

Note:  every one of these has been prescribed my doctor and is something I've already aimed to do, but it made a good starting point, since they're essentials. I realize that 7 to 8 of hours of sleep is laughable to a lot of people (as in, "who the hell gets that much sleep?") but sleep is one of those things that can make or break my condition for the day. A steady sleep pattern is almost as important as medication for me, and it was somewhere I was slacking. That needs to change.

I'm happy to announce that this past week I could successfully check off all but one item - I didn't get 7-8 hours of sleep on Tuesday night. I just couldn't sleep well, and that's truly through no fault of my own. I went to bed early and tried to sleep well, it just didn't happen. Overall, I consider this last week a success in terms of my commitments list. This week I've add in 5 minutes of meditation each day. I started "practicing" this last week by actually doing stress relief yoga at home several days and doing meditation for 5 minutes a couple of times. I wanted to get to work on them before I was "committed".

I know these seem like simple things, not even worthy of writing a blog about, but the simpleness is the point - they make me slow down. They take the focus off the stress of my business, my interpersonal relationships and trying to make everything perfect, my trying to "fix" myself and my life so urgently. I don't know anyone that doesn't like to check off completed items on their list, and this list not only gives me that satisfaction and that focus, it simplifies my life into what's really essential, and helps me work on myself, day by day. It allows me to visibly feel my work and my progress in a tangible way, which makes me less impatient because I'm not waiting until things get better - I'm actually watching the progress with each task I complete. It gives me the hope that this process is indeed starting to work, and that I will indeed be successful in this journey (I'm tempted to say "sooner rather than later" here, but that would be impatient!).

I highly suggest a commitments list everyone. The key is to not let it get out of hand. Keep things basic and simple.  Commitments don't have to be exactly the same every day, just don't get too ambitious all at once. An important point: this doesn't mean you do nothing but these items (I'd be bored to tears and have no business if that was the case). Make sure this list never involves 'to dos' such as work tasks or home chores. Sure those are important and they can go on your "to do" list - just not your "must do" list. Keep it to those things you want to work on for yourself personally, or even those things that would give you joy that you haven't had time for (i.e. walk the dog to the park once a day), and I suspect you'll feel pleasantly surprised and accomplished with the results. After all, no matter how happy people are with their lives, we're all a work in progress.