Some Halloween Reminders

I love Halloween. More specifically, I love costumes and any excuse to dress up. I love seeing how creative people can get with costumes. Kids dressed up in their cute costumes are adorable. Dogs dressed up in costumes are possibly more adorable. But there are some things about Halloween that can be incredibly difficult for those with chronic and mental illness, as well as those who have experienced trauma in the past. It's super important to be mindful of this. I'm not trying to crush everyone's good time, but we have to consider that not everyone is up for the same celebrations as us. Here are a few thoughts.

Scary Attractions:

• Many, many Halloween attractions involve people jumping out and scaring participants. This may even include touching/grabbing participants, or getting super close to them. This could be a massive trigger for a  someone who has suffered an assault or an attack. And while I can't personally speak to someone having been in combat, I'd imagine that people jumping out and grabbing them/surprising them could also have negative effects. 

• Loud noises can be triggering. Those with PTSD, those with anxiety, those with sensory issues can be especially affected.

•  Crowds/groups in tight quarters. I can tell you as an anxious person with claustrophobia and heightened sensory perception, dark spaces packed with people (especially dark spaces packed with people where things are going to jump out and try to make me shit my pants scare me) are NOT places I want to be. 

• Not everyone loves surprises. Again, for those of us with anxiety and numerous other conditions, these can be traumatic. It doesn't have to be a tourist attraction. Don't hide in a dark corner dressed up like Freddy Kruger and jump out at me at home either. This isn't limited to "jumping out" surprises. I often post around April Fool's Day, explaining that those of us with anxiety can really be affected by "negative" surprises. If the idea is to frighten, scare, alarm someone, and their brain does this naturally without any outside input, it's probably best not to do it. 

To clarify, I'm not saying that these things shouldn't exist. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to "haunted" house/attractions (exception: keep reading). I'm not even saying not to invite us - after all, everyone's different, and just because someone has anxiety, it doesn't mean it'll be a trigger for them. But it could, so be mindful. Don't force someone to go or make them feel bad for not going. Remember, they don't owe the world, or anyone, an explanation. If someone says "I'd rather not go, that's not really my thing", that needs to be enough. Bugging them until they reveal that it will trigger a past trauma, and only then letting up on them going, isn't OK.


Parties/food/drink: 
While we're at it, a few other reminders of things that aren't your/anyone else's business:

•  Why someone isn't drinking at a party/gathering/etc

• Why someone isn't eating all the candy (or anything else)

There are many reasons why people don't drink or eat certain things. It could be illness, an allergy, or it could be a whole host of other things including..... maybe they just don't feel like it! Please don't judge someone based on their lack of alcohol consumption or their dietary habits. Peer pressure wasn't cool in middle school and it's not cool now either.


Costumes:
I really feel this can be summed up in three words: have some tact. Mental illnesses, chronic illnesses, and disabilities are real, every day struggles that people go through. Not costumes. And yes, I've seen costumes for all of the above being sold online. It's disgusting to me. And yes, I get that any costume could probably offend anyone, but putting on my mom's old bell bottoms and a headband and going as a hippie isn't quite the same as dressing up as someone with a serious, even potentially fatal, illness.


Asylum Attractions: 
I can't speak for the community at large here, but I can speak for myself and my opinion on this topic is very strong. Do me a favor - before you go to one of the "asylum" attractions, read up on the history of "insane asylums". Read about how people were treated - by which I mean often abused, tortured, and in some cases even killed or left for dead. Read about how people were experimented on without their consent or at times without their knowledge. If you're cool with all of that, then sure, go ahead and give these attractions your money. Also know when you do this, every time you support something that makes a caricature out of mental illness, you're actively supporting stigma.

Mental Illnesses Are Not Adjectives (And What To Say Instead)

Whether you have a mental illness or not, you've almost certainly heard one of the following (or something similar):

"She can't make up her mind. It's like she's Bipolar".

"I'm so ADD today".

"I'm a little OCD about xyz (insert task/organizational strategy here)".

If you do have a mental illness, hearing someone throwing around your illness, that you struggle with daily, as a colloquialism, and then them laughing about it, can be frustrating to say the least. Not to mention, these are the types of actions that continue to spread stigma about mental illness. The thing is, if we inserted physical illnesses in here, people would probably be pretty taken aback. For instance:

"She can't do xyz, it's like she's asthmatic!"

"I'm so cancerous today". 

"I'm a little diabetic about xyz"

The thing is, it's not cool. And people seem to know not to do this, because they get that making a joke out of cancer is pretty inconsiderate - especially around anyone with cancer (but really, just in general).

Unfortunately, using mental illness as a phrase that can be tossed around to (inaccurately) describe someone's behavior has become so common that I don't honestly think (some) people realize they what they're doing. They don't think about the fact that they may be sitting next to someone  whose ADD is really causing them trouble today, or speaking to someone that does have bipolar disorder. They don't realize they're furthering the stigma by doing so. So I thought it might be helpful to offer some alternatives, the next time you catch someone saying something along these lines.


What people say:  "I'm so depressed because I have nothing to wear to my friend's wedding this weekend" (specific example, but the point is, people say "I'm so depressed" when they really mean "this is a bummer/this is kind of an annoyance")
.   
Alternative: "I'm frustrated (bummed/annoyed also works depending on context), I have nothing to wear to my friend's wedding this weekend."

Why:  Depression is a serious illness, not a minor inconvenience. It can often make people feel hopeless, worthless, empty, and even question the point of their lives. Comparing this to not having the perfect outfit (or some other day to day issue that's not actually related to one's serious health) minimizes what we go through, and it gives heed to the myth that it's not a serious illness. (i.e. furthers stigma). Using the word "depressed" when you really mean a more minor feeling, like bummed or annoyed, furthers the idea that really, someone with depression could just look at the positive side of things (insert annoying and inaccurate cliche here) and be all better. Because surely, if all it takes is having the right outfit, depression couldn't be that serious, right?

*Note: As someone who's struggled with body image issues and disordered eating alongside depression, there could be situations, if someone struggled with these, that this type of statement is legitimate.  Maybe trying to find something nice for a wedding triggers their body images issues and eating struggles, which can in turn affect their depression.  But if that's the case, it's probably not said as an off-handed comment while discussing outfits.


What people say: "She can't make up her mind, it's like she's bipolar".

Alternative: "She can't make up her mind", "She keeps changing her mind". Just end the statement there. It's just that. It's not like anything.

Why:  There are so many reasons I really can't list them all. But I'll try.

• Bipolar has nothing to do with not being able to make up ones mind. Depression and mania aren't decisions. They're parts of a mood cycle, not intentional changes in action, thought, or words.

• Nobody changes their mind (or anything else) mid-sentence because they're bipolar and have suddenly cycled. It doesn't work like that, even for the most rapid cycling mood disorders. 

• People with bipolar disorder struggle with symptoms that can be debilitating, and life-altering at times. Simplifying it to not being able to make up their mind completely dismisses how serious and difficult this illness can be.

• Nobody "is bipolar". They have bipolar disorder. This could be said of any mental illness - or any illness in general. It's not a personality trait, it's an illness.

 What people say: I'm so ADD today.

Alternative: I'm having difficulty focusing/concentrating today. I'm easily distracted today. (These are the ways in which it's most commonly said).

Why: The symptoms and challenges of ADD involve more than being easily distracted. Sure, to the general population, being distracted often may be slightly annoying, but ADD involves a multitude of symptoms that can often make school and work tasks particularly challenging. There are a lot of things that can add to our inability to focus these days - like having 100 different pop up notifications for 10 different social media apps on three different devices coming at you all the time. That's a product of our society in the 21st century, not having a medical condition. It's minimizing what someone with ADD goes through to interchange the two.



What people say: I'm a little OCD about xyz.

Alternative: I'm a little particular about xyz (this is what people usually mean).

Why: OCD can be debilitating. There are people who struggle with OCD who have difficulty even leaving the house, or who have to take hours extra in order to do so.  It can also be a disorder that causes social isolation, both because of how the person feels in social situations, and because of how others react to their disorder.  When people use this as a throw away phrase, they generally mean they're super particular about something. They also may mean that they're extra-organized. But I honestly can't think of a time that being extra-organized caused someone to feel unable to leave their house, or to feel socially isolated. (Note: info given here comes from those I know who do have OCD and have explained it this way). 

What people say:   "My ex-girlfriend was a schizo!"

Alternative: There's not one really. Just stop bashing your ex because it didn't work out.  Also, name calling should be left on the playground. Honestly, it doesn't even belong there.  

Why:  Schizophrenia might be one of the most misunderstood illnesses in terms of mental health. When used in a derogatory way (above), it is used often as a catch-all to describe behaviors that people just don't get, or to describe people they don't like.  I've never actually heard someone use this in describing a behavior even remotely related to actual symptoms of schizophrenia.  I suspect if you ask the general population what someone with schizophrenia experiences, they'd have very little (accurate) idea. And yet they throw it around as an insult. More than any other, this tends to be used as a general bash at someone (much like the word crazy). Which is just mean, whether you're using the name of an illness or not. Let's stop nastily bashing people shall we? Just in general. But also, by using people's serious illnesses as insults.

If you really aren't sure what to say, just stick to this rule: when in doubt, avoid using any medical term/illness to describe someone's behavior.

Finally, a PSA as we close in on Halloween: I cannot believe I have to say this, but mental illnesses, illnesses in general, and disabilities, are NOT Halloween costumes. I'm all for dressing up, but think it through, please, before you decide what to wear.