Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Life Updates and Thoughts

Hi readers. It's been a while. Apologies. The last month or several have been busy. I thought I'd give a life update, and also a bit of what's been going on in my brain. First, the life update. I graduated from Yoga Teacher training on May 19th and registered with Yoga Alliance, so I'm now officially an RYT-200 Yoga Teacher. Woo hoo! I've also been working on my yoga business pretty diligently. I am on the sub list for one studio and working toward being on the sub list for another. I'm teaching two community yoga classes at The Grant Building in Collingswood, NJ, one on July 6th, the other August 3rd, but 12:30-1:30PM. They are donation based classes, so pay what you wish, and the proceeds go to Twist Out Cancer. I have a some other things in the works that aren't at the stage where I'm able to really promote yet, but hopefully soon.

In addition, my novel went to the self-publisher, I just received the first copies of the soft-cover version in the mail. So that's super exciting! Tentative release date is July 16th, but I'll keep everyone posted.

I have been working on my self-branded business, super creatively named Maya Augelli, LLC (that's not the DBA, I'm working on those, it's the LLC name), and I have a website for that as well. You can check out all I'm doing yoga/wellness/book/writing wise, and more, here.

So, on the business front, things are going well. I feel I have goals I'm working towards daily, and it's helping me feel like I'm regaining some sense of control over the course of my life and I'm not floundering around waiting for a lifeline.

Personally, I've been working a lot on my inner strength and belief in myself. As is probably obvious by now to anyone who reads this regularly, low self-esteem, lack of belief in myself, and low self-worth have been my companions for close to the last 25 years now. They've become gradually lower, due to numerous factors including my illness and life stuff. I'm working on changing this. But it's brought up some questions that I'm grappling with. I'll note that while these aren't rhetorical questions, I'm not actually expecting anyone to answer them. I'm simply laying them out there because, well, this is my blog and they're in my brain and I figure others might have dealt with similar questions themselves.

1. How do you differentiate between finding your voice/setting necessary boundaries/standing up for what you believe in, and selfishness/self-centeredness? It seems like this should be obvious, but when you think about it, often, it's about perspective. If I strongly believe something should be one way and I'm standing up for it, and you strongly believe the opposite and are standing up to it, who gives? And is the person who doesn't give good at setting boundaries and saying "I won't let myself be pushed into going against what I believe", or are they being selfish because they are putting their needs/values first? I'm working at recognize those areas where maybe I am sticking to my guns unnecessarily, and those where I need to actually stand up for myself and set boundaries more.

2. How do you differentiate between letting fear hold you back and making excuses, and being smartly cautious. For instance, when I first started Chimera, I chose the "not letting fear hold me back" route. I decided to dive head first into my business and just go for it. I knew I could make excuses all day - How would I make enough money? What if I failed? I wasn't good enough. Etc Etc. But I was luckily in a position that, with help from family, I was able to make this leap. I don't regret for a second starting my business. I learned so much, and building up that business and the storefront were some of the happiest times of my adult life. But I did learn that sometimes the ocean that looks nice and calm has an unexpected undertow. I also know, though, that my fear strategy is self-sabotage. Which means I become my own worst enemy, my own worst critic, and I constantly find 'reasons" that I shouldn't take that leap.  Often, I'm over here worrying about the dangerous undertow (i.e. something catastrophic happening) when reality is like, "Um, it's a 12-inch high kiddie pool". Where is that sweet spot of "I'm not jumping in without enough of a plan, but I'm also not waiting until everything is perfectly set because nothing is ever perfect"?

3. How do I take accountability for my own actions, while not also always taking unnecessary blame/fault? I'm struggling with this, because I'm really big on personal accountability. I know my faults, my weaknesses, my points that I need to work on - 20 years of therapy will do that for a person. But I also know what's NOT a fault - things like a difference of opinion, a different approach to something, a preference. So where is the line for saying "Yes, this piece is something I have to work on. But that piece over there, that's not a fault, that's just a difference/something others might not understand/something someone may not prefer about me"? It's a delicate balance between not taking enough accountability, and taking accountability for others' stuff, or for stuff that doesn't require accountability from anyone.

So that's what's going on in my life and brain right now.  I'll try to be more consistent about writing. In the mean time, I have been updating my yoga website and blog, so if you're inclined, go check that out. As always, thanks for reading!