My Mental Health Journey

#HAWMC Day 21:  This is a day to reflect. For the WEGO Health family, we reflect on the inspiring and tireless work Health Activists do every day. Reflect on your journey today. What are your thoughts and hopes for the future?

From the time I got diagnosed, to the time I somewhat timidly decided to share my journey, to the point I am at today, I've gone from the stages of disbelief and confusion, to acceptance, to determination and motivation. Being diagnosed with a chronic, lifelong illness for which there is no known cure is, of course, not fun, to put it very mildly. But, at least for me, suffering from something that nobody can explain, that you have no name for, that people think is just a bad attitude or a negative disposition or "all in your head", but knowing it's not, is worse. So in a way, having a diagnosis, as tough as it is, was somewhat of a relief. It at least gave me a place to start. 

Deciding to share my journey was nerve wracking at first. While most of the time I now don't care what anyone else thinks, sometimes I still get a little nervous. There are times I still wonder what my clients or coworkers will think if they read this or that. But either none of them read my blogs (likely) or they don't think any differently of me after doing so (possible) because they've never, knock on wood, treated me differently. Sharing my story gives me courage. On the worst of days, I know that if I can get through it, and write about it, I can perhaps inspire someone else to do the same. I can let them know that they're not alone. 

I've gotten emails, calls, and Facebook messages from complete strangers and from people I never knew read my posts, telling me how much my blog helps them, how much they identify with them, and how good it is to know that they're not alone. Cyclothymia is very under-represented in .... well... everything, and finding much information on rapid cycling cyclothymia is a bit like trying to find a unicorn playing tag with a leprechaun in an enchanted forest, and so I'm glad to be a source of information, or at least experience. I have had people reach out with all kinds of questions about myself, my condition, my diagnosis, my treatment. I've had people who just "need to talk", to tell me about their own concerns, just to tell someone they feel will understand. I've had those without a mental health condition tell me they feel educated, that they didn't realize what I and others with this similar conditions go through. These are the things that keep me writing. I decided to share my journey in an effort to speak out about cyclothymia, mood cycling, and mental health, and if my doing so is helping even one person, I feel successful. 

Throughout my journey, I've made friends in the mental health and chronic illness community. Most of these I've been unable to meet in real life due to distance, but they're friends all the same. We understand each other. We support each other. We can empathize with each other when others cannot possibly do so, not having been through what we have. Without all of this, my condition, my efforts in mental health awareness, I wouldn't have met these friends, and for that, I'm very grateful. 

What do I hope for the future? 

I hope that some day I can tell people I have a mood cycling disorder the same way someone says they have asthma. By which I mean nobody balks and looks uncomfortable and is at a loss for words. 

I hope that going to therapy and taking meds (if needed) is no longer something people are afraid to do for fear of what others will think, or what they will think of themselves. People aren't afraid to take meds that will help the rest of their body. But they're afraid to take meds that will help their brain.

I hope some day taking a "mental health day" is not viewed any differently than taking a sick day for any "physical" illness. 

I hope that the fundraising walks and charity events and other campaigns for mental health awareness and suicide prevention became as big as those for breast cancer and MS and other more publicly  recognized illnesses (not to take anything away from these, they deserve it too). 

 I hope those stupid laws in which a therapist is asked to break patient confidentiality and report to the state government if someone says they may harm themselves go away and never, ever, ever return.

I hope the media stops blaming everything from school violence to people stubbing their big toe on mental health. 

I hope that when I can't go to a party because of my depression or social anxiety, I can tell people and, instead of them thinking I'm no fun, they choose an activity in which I am comfortable participating - or understand when I just need to be alone. 

I hope that one day there are medications for mood cycling and other mental health disorders that we can take while pregnant, so that we don't have to chose between having a family and having our health.

I hope, of course, that one day there will be cures, instead of just treatments.