Courage

When I began writing about my feelings, I can't tell you the number of people who told me how courageous it was. It was truly quite inspirational. It made me feel I'd done the right thing in opening up, and kept me writing. I wrote a blog not that long ago about fear - how I realized I have more fears than I thought, how fears of failure and rejection hold me back even, with silly things. It's true, and it's something I've really been working on this past month or so. You'll probably see fear as a common theme on my blog.

I have a long way to go in the fear-conquering department. On good days, it's much easier to be brave. On bad days, rejection and failure seem so tangible that I could touch them.  As I start to wade through the waters of courage, though, I have begin realizing it's a pretty great place to be. When you start to take control of your fears, a few rather remarkable things happen.

• I've started to care less what others think, and more what you think of myself I don't mean this in a selfish, only worried about myself way. I mean this in the sense that I'm not so afraid of rejection. Deep down, I am who I am and people in my life are going to have to be ok with that. 

• I feel more "me". Like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

• Most of the time, the result that I most feared doesn't happen. I spent so much time anxious and analyzing, and in the end, it was for nothing. 

• What seems like a big deal to me is often not nearly as big of a deal to others. I'm a perfectionist, and often the things I fret about others don't even notice or care about. 

• I will never get over my fears if I don't try to step out of my comfort zone. Period. The first step is the toughest. It gets ever so slightly easier with every step. 

• Living with the fear is often worse than the actual thing you fear itself.  

• Fears take a long time to get over - especially ones as deep as rejection and failure. I won't conquer it in every situation, at least not yet. I have to start small, work my way up, and not get discouraged. 

• The more I learn to accept rejection and failure, the less I fear it. This is the toughest for me. As my confidence builds, it's getting a bit more manageable. It's one of those things that I understand in concept way sooner than I can practice in reality. I'm getting there. 

Fear can be paralyzing. Sometimes we don't even realize it's what's holding us back. It has taken me really analyzing my actions to understand it - why am I not doing this, why don't I want to do this, why is this not working, why am I feeling this way. It also takes being very honest with oneself. It's not easy to say "I'm afraid of rejection and failure." (or whatever it is that you fear).  Admitting this, though, is one of the most courageous things you can do. Once you allow yourself to realize this, you can start taking steps to move past your fears.